February 20 - Looking Blind?

The other day I was out with a friend. We had been chatting about this and that. When we came to the parking lot - and yes, I was using my white cane, I had trouble picking out my friend’s car. Deb needed to point the vehicle out to me but as we got in, she said, “Sue, unless you remind me, I have trouble remembering that you can’t see.”

What a nice compliment! I know that for people who don’t know me, I have the appearance of someone who is blind or visually impaired. Once that assessment is made, those people treat me with my blindness as the most important aspect, so I was pleased when Deb saw past my vision loss to the part of me that was just a friend. My cane, and I think I might have also been wearing my low vision ID badge, melted into the background and our friendship and our conversation took over in the forefront.

I am pleased when the people who know me don’t see my vision loss as the most important part of me. This frequently happens with the people who know me best. Even though I might look blind or partially sighted, I like to feel that I am a whole person and my sight – or lack of it – is just one part of the whole.

February 8 - Seeing Faces

When I began writing this post, I debated the choice of several titles. At first I thought of Listening for Voices or even Hearing Voices. While both of these would have been somewhat correct, they maybe also implied a measure of mental instability. I thought about using the single word, Bluffing – but maybe readers wouldn’t connect with this strategy. In the end I decided on Seeing Faces. I am still not sure if this adequately covers the gist of this post. Perhaps I should have written the title, Not Seeing Faces. I will leave it to you the reader to decide on the best heading.

Here goes! When a person becomes blind or has very limited vision, certain changes are inevitable. For many, the two biggies are the inability to drive and the inability to see print. Both of these involve major life adjustments. However, for me, one of the biggest changes was that I wasn’t able to see faces. I still regret that I can’t see facial details or expressions.

At first, I tried to bluff my way through vision loss. The idea of bluffing is not an uncommon one. (Yes, that was one of the headings that I considered for this post.) Initially, I tried to cover up the fact that I couldn’t see. I’m not really sure why I did this. I had quite a few little tricks that I would use hoping that others wouldn’t suspect that I was different in any way.

One of these bluffs was to try to look directly at people when they were speaking with me. This was a good deception but it also meant that because I have no central vision, I could see absolutely nothing of the person’s face right in front of me.

After the initial stage of bluffing, I then tried the technique of moving my head to different angles to see if I could catch a glimpse of someone’s face. This was awkward as the best angle for me was to tip my head backward and try to look from the bottom part of my left eye. The movement was physically exhausting for me and no doubt confusing for any sighted person who was conversing with me at the time.

Then I met Bert. Bert was completely without sight. He said that it didn’t matter at what angle he held his head he still couldn’t see. So, he decided to make a conscientious effort to look directly at the person he was speaking with. He explained that while this took little effort on his part, it did serve to make the other person more comfortable. This is the attitude I decided to adopt.

Actually, the idea of following someone’s voice as an indicator of where they are has become somewhat of a habit and a skill. I can usually tell if the person is sitting or standing. As long as they are speaking, I can tell if they are moving around. I try to focus my eyes towards the direction of their voice. The hard part is when someone in a group stays silent or even leaves the room. In familiar settings, I am often able to hear who is speaking. Nevertheless, it is always helpful when the people who are present identify themselves.

So, what do you think that the title of this post should be? I have given it the heading of Seeing Faces, but maybe you can use your judgment for an alternative title.

January 22 - Blind Assumptions

Sometimes, it is easy to make assumptions about other people. Why, just the other day, I ran into a friend I used to meet on the local walking trail. She had noticed that I hadn’t been walking lately and confronted me with the comment – “You haven’t been walking. You were sick? How are you feeling now?

There has been a lot of flu and illness around, so I suppose it was easy enough to assume that I had been ill. I’m not sure why it made a difference, but I hastened to assure this person that I hadn’t been ill but rather that I had been injured.

All this made me think of the many assumptions that some people make when they encounter someone who is blind or obviously vision impaired. In the past I have encountered persons who held these false assumptions. Knowing that I cannot see, the person might begin speaking to me in a very loud voice. Do they presume that because I cannot see, I must also be hard of hearing?  Sometimes, the stranger might begin speaking very slowly as if to someone who is intellectually challenged. This is another assumption.

Not all conclusions are as blatant as these. I think that one that amuses me is the blank look on the face of a flight attendant when I ask for a glass of wine. It’s almost as if he/she is saying ...but you are blind! Are you meaning to tell me that you also drink alcohol?

I also shake my head when in a group I join the discussion about a recent book or film or news article. Is it surprise in their voices that I hear? Should I tell them that people who are blind also read, go to the movies and keep up with current events?

At the beginning of my journey with vision loss, I used to be quite irritated by these assumptions about blindness. These days, I try to take it with a grain of salt and use any comments as an opportunity to educate people who are sighted.

January 11 - White Canes

Did you know that there are different types of white canes? On the surface they all serve the same purpose, that is to identify the user as someone who is blind or visually impaired.  For many years, I have been using a Mobility cane, but for the last several weeks I have needed to resort to a support cane. Although they are both white, the two canes are very different.

I began using a support cane last month after I took a tumble. Although I didn’t break any bones when I fell, I think that I sprained every muscle and tendon in my lower back. I found it incredibly difficult and painful to stand, much less to walk. I needed support. My mobility cane didn’t do the trick. It wasn’t substantial enough.

As the name implies, a support cane is sturdy. It comes in one strong length. I have used this cane in the house to help me move about. It has also been somewhat useful when I have been in other flat surface buildings such as the local grocery store. I say somewhat useful because the support cane, unlike the mobility cane, doesn’t give me any anticipation of what might be in front of me.

A mobility cane stretches out in front of the user. When I hold this cane in front of me, I can usually detect obstacles in my path. I sweep the cane in front of me and it becomes my eyes, clearing the path ahead. This isn’t possible with the support cane, which is used in an upright position.

A mobility cane is also handier to carry than a support cane. When I’m not using the mobility cane, I can fold it up into sections and leave it on my lap or some other unobtrusive place. A support cane doesn’t fold.

I think that the other disadvantage to a support cane as opposed to a mobility cane is that it isn’t as easily recognized by other people. Yes, I know that the support cane is white, but it doesn’t stand out as distinctly as the long white mobility cane.

I am hopeful that my back will continue to improve. I am exercising and hoping that I will soon regain my former strength and balance so that I can go back to using my very helpful mobility cane.

There are two pictures with this post. In the first I am standing with a support cane. In the second I am standing with my mobility cane. 

 

Sue with support cane

 

Sue with mobility cane