This Easter, we shared a meal with our good friends, Brian
and Marilyn. I’m not quite sure how it
happened but at some point, the conversation drifted towards the first days of
my vision loss. Although we have known Brian and Marilyn for a number of years,
they have only known me as a visually impaired person and the topic of my
initial loss of sight has never before come up. I was surprised at the memories
and the accompanying emotions that the conversation evoked.
My sight changed rather dramatically in 1986. It seems like
a lifetime ago now but when we spoke over the dinner table of some of the
events of that time, it was almost as if it was all happening again yesterday.
1986 was a year of a roller coaster ride emotionally. There
was initial shock of course and lots of tears. I don’t think that I ever felt
angry about the loss of sight but at times I did despair trying to figure out
how I would be able to get on with my life and all the changes that came with
the loss. Probably the feeling that came to the forefront was one of confusion.
I can only say, thank goodness for my family and close friends.
I remember at the time that one of the questions people sometimes
asked was whether I thought that it was better to lose one’s sight when one was
young or when one was older. I found the question totally irrelevant. I was
young certainly, but how did I know what an older person might be feeling, and
anyway, who can choose when these things
are likely to happen. I don’t know if there is an easier time for adversity to
rear its head. Some things are just beyond our control. The only thing we can
control is how we react to the circumstances of our lives.
While it has been thirty-one years this Easter since I
became suddenly and irrevocably legally blind, I can remember so many details of the days,
weeks and months of that year. I’m not sure when I stopped thinking about the
passage of time and of how things might have been if only...but time does heal.
In some ways I can appreciate what happened to me as a learning curve. The
experience gave me a new way of looking at my life, and I hope, a greater
empathy with others who have had similar life challenges.
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