I was mildly surprised
when I first heard the term "stroke survivor." In the past I would have
been more inclined to think of the words "suffering from a stroke" or
"victim of a stroke." The term survivor put a whole new spin on my way
of thinking.
While I was surprised with the
term in general, my eyebrows really raised up when someone referred to me as a stroke survivor. I knew that I had had a mild stroke that had
only affected my speech but not my mobility. Nevertheless, at the time
and for the few days following I didn't feel like much of a survivor.
In
addition to my obvious hesitancy of speech (apraxia), I found myself
dealing with fatigue and a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride.
Fatigue and depression can be common after effects of a stroke. For me
it posed the perennial question of which came first the chicken or the
egg? Is my speech poor because I am fatigued? Or am I fatigued because I
am down and my speech is poor? The frustration is not knowing when
anything will hit.
Usually I am more rested in
the morning and can even have a brief period of spontaneous recovery of
speech. This gives me a feeling of optimism until the reversal occurs.
My therapists tell me that the road to recovery is not a steady incline
but rather a series of ups and downs. This is one of the hardest lessons
of all but I am making progress.
Over the
past weeks I have met people who have experienced strokes far more
debilitating than mine. Nonetheless, we have all experienced a sense of
loss and to a greater or lesser degree a loss of identity. There is a
need to redefine ourselves. It is how we survive - and we will survive. I
am a stroke survivor.
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