September 24 - Comparatively Speaking

This past week I was reading A Better Man by Louise Penny and I came across an interesting statement. She wrote, “It is damaging to compare the pain of one person with the pain of another.” Although the sentence was written for a character in a murder mystery, I thought of the many situations to which the sentiment could apply. One person’s hurt, loss or pain is not lessened when it is compared to the pain, loss or hurt of others.

It has now been more than thirty years ago since the sudden change in my sight, but several things from that time stand out in memory. One of these was the comment of a friend. She suggested that I shouldn’t feel too badly because my sight loss was nothing compared to that of some other people who had managed to cope very well with complete loss of sight. What was my partial vision loss compared to total blindness! While my logical mind accepted this, my friend’s comment was not in the least helpful or comforting in the time of my emotional turmoil and distress.

Then, the other week, a friend told me of her experience on becoming a widow. At the lunch following the funeral service, another widow of several years approached her. This person said that now my friend could be just like her and join the widow’s circle, and wasn’t she glad that she had had so much time with her late husband. The comment did nothing to alleviate the loss and grief that my friend was feeling at the time. It wasn’t at all helpful to compare her loss and grief with the other person’s.

While these two events are specific to the past, they can also highlight how differently many of us are reacting to the present pandemic. Certainly, we are all in this together, but how this same event affects each of us can be quite different. The isolation for some of us might be a cause for depression. Others might be viewing this as a time of reflection. Some may be alone and lonely while others are basking in more quality time with friends or family. The event is the same but one person’s response may well be quite different from that of another.

Perhaps we can all try to be more accepting. Let’s try not to dismiss the feelings and coping strategies of others. Let’s not make comparisons. Maybe we can all just try to be kind to each other.

 

September 12 - Cash or Credit?

In pre-pandemic days, I nearly always kept a small amount of cash on hand. I liked to have a few coins to pay for incidentals - coffee, lunch, or even an occasional chocolate bar. For larger items I might tap my credit card, or very infrequently (usually when Lyle is with me to check) I might try to enter the four-digit PIN number on the credit card machine. These days it seems that nobody wants to touch my actual money, and I am hesitant to reach out to grasp the credit card device.

This new world in which we all find ourselves has pluses and minuses for me. On the plus side, I am saving money. I don't go to a restaurant for lunch anywhere and I haven't been in a grocery store since March. Lyle does all our grocery shopping from a list that I make up for him. In a way this also saves money as he is less inclined to pick up those extra items that are often accumulated in a random shopping trip.

On the negative side to all this, I am wondering where my confidence will be when this pandemic is over. Will I be able to slip back into distinguishing coins and sorting bank notes? (Unless I have one of each, I already find a nickel and a quarter hard to tell apart.)

When the plexiglass barriers come down, I am hopeful that the present barriers to some do my independent living skills will also be removed. Cash or credit? For me in these uncertain times, it appears to be neither. However, I hold to a more positive and optimistic outlook. My piggy bank isn't getting any lighter!